Why I Start A Website In 2022?

I aspired for a few years to put myself out there. I created multiple websites before, however they did not last. I would assume I was not ready. But, what is there to fear and what are the gains? Why would anyone consider making a website, especially with so many of them out there already?

I suppose the biggest deal-breaker for most and me is the publicity. To choose the right words and combine them in a manner, which when read and unpacked by the reader, make sense and do not create confusion, is not an easy task. This process reveals imperfections and inadequacies and confronts you with your own mind. Oh man, isn't that scary? Many of us have lived through really hard times and we just do not wish to open those doors in our mind, but as it appears we do accidentally stumble over the doorstep, whether we want it or not, especially when writing.

So what changed?

What changed in me that convinced me, that this was the right thing to do, was my recent effort to put myself together via psychotherapy @ www.betterhelp.com. Which has been going great for about 6 months now and I will go in more detail about my experience in latter posts.

A big part of my healing process is overcoming my insecurities and my very brutal judgment. Even now as I am writing this I turned the screen away so my partner would not see what I am writing. I immediately cringe at the idea someone would get to see what is in my mind and finally declare that all my fears are true and I am indeed worthless and broken.

Im not having it.

So why ignite your insecurities by starting a website? Would it not be smarter to work around it?

CBT

Not exactly. The main point of CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy is to be aware in moments of distress, analyse and cope with the feelings. This way you eventually develop tools on how to overcome your current condition.

As I will proceed in this trial I will get triggered many times along the way and use it as opportunities for growth. You could argue that what I am doing is close to masochism and I would not disagree entirely. Therapy is no fun and it does suck your soul out of your body. What keeps me going is the growing notion of evidence that I am indeed doing better.

Other reasons why I want this

I wish for this work, not only because it would help with my therapy but also because I recently struggled with the idea of making my living with science. Do not get me wrong. I love biology but I feel like the institutions put huge chains on aspiring knowledge-seekers, limiting their creativity and motivation. The paycheck is also less than decent and if I should engage in scientific activity in the future, relies on whether my existence is dependent on me doing it or not. I wish to support myself via other sources and hopefully return to science in a later phase of my life.

A true bush-o-phile or animal offender as I would describe biologists, does not loose his love for nature. The love gets put out by the machinery that is supposed to enable him to engage in the activity that he loves most. As I stated above..

Im not having it.

If you wish to join on my journey feel free to subscribe to my weekly newsletter and I shall keep you informed.

Thanks for reading and much love,

Hans.