How I found a mountain in flat Finland 🇫🇮.

A year passed by fast whilst on exchange in the north. It was my dream to visit Finland for a long time. I had an affinity towards Finland mostly due to the environment. I stem from Slovakia where I climbed spruce and birch, looked for deer and feared wolves. I dreamed to live in Finland, however, according to the internet back in 2019, moving to Finland is not easy and the living costs are not manageable for a low to middle class individual. I did no further research on the country nor the people. Thus, as I arrived my emotional canvas was clean and I let my experience paint upon it freely. What I read on the internet was proven to be untrue. Finland welcomed me with open arms, threw a bunch of opportunities at me and made me sweat profusely. I loved it.

There is a slight difference between Slovakia and Finland which bothers me. mountains 🐐. The ability to hike the nearest hill and gain perspective on how small I am, is something that I do not want to give away easily. When I was young I sought for refuge in our mountainous terrain. It taught me valuable lessons, however no words were spoken. My temple, the place I went to reconsider what is important, were our mountains.

"So what is it that convinced you to abandon something so sacred?"

Shortly, I found another temple, just with a different architecture.

The context changes, perception is key. How do you know you are on a mountain if you close your eyes? What exactly is it, that feeds your soul with life juice? For that I do not have a direct answer yet. But I can explore.

To me, when hiking a mountain, I look at it and I think "That is really high, can I get up there?". It is taunting me. From a distance with its remoteness and harshness it evokes vulnerability in me. The challenge occupies my brain, the movement occupies my body. What am I hiking for? What is there that I yearn to gain?  From my point of view, hiking mountains is complementary to life. I start at the bottom. I feel taunted. I take the challenge and put in work. I meet difficulties and I overcome them. I reach the peak and its bliss. I outgrew who I was before and as I am descending I feel different from who I was on the way up. This might be the essence of what a mountain hike means to me. It is not really the view, although it can cast a spell on you. It is the challenge and transformation that I crave most.

At first, during my stay in Finland, it felt like the "happiest" place everyone else describes it as. I got hooked and I swore I would stay to live there. But after around 3 months something seemed odd. It is really dark, you do not see people and if you do, they seem dead inside. It is silent. If a mouse moved under the 2 meters thick layer of snow, you would hear it. The atmosphere seeps into your bones.

What is this creepy feeling when I stare into the forest?

"I am picking up on something but I am not sure. What is it that the folks are hiding?" I observed carefully and I found that life in Finland is challenging. The terrain is rugged and the forests are dense and dangerous. The winters are brutal. The temperatures drop to 30 below zero regularly and the sun shows itself for 1-3 hours a day for 3 months, but people still need to work. So it is not only that a hike would pose a big challenge, but also everyday life turns into something you have to fight with. I assume that these conditions promote growth. They create depth in the finnish soul.

I thought "Well, understandable, but there is still something I am missing". As I stuck around finnish students, I heard someone mentioning war and that made me look up history. Finland was in war with Russia about 2 generations ago. I am by no means an expert on finnish culture or history, however I believe that is where the finnish emotional coldness (as some might perceive) comes from. Talking about emotions is a rather rare phenomenon in finnish families. They communicate in different ways than verbally. Gestures and actions. To me it appears as wisdom and a certain respect towards the, to everyone apparent, vulnerability of the individual. "Life is suffering, I know, therefore you do not need to explain your missing smile". People keep their distance to one another, but not to avoid each other, but to give each other space.

... once you break the ice and get closer, the depth imposed by the ruggedness of Finland is exposed. People who seemed rather passive and uninteresting reveal a wide scale of interests, knowledge and character. Bonds grow slowly, but they last. They laugh, dance, play and sing, just when no one sees them 😄. Jokes aside. I do not wish to portray them as cold or boring. It seems as if they know when to laugh, dance and sing, rather than force and seek it at all times.

To sum up. ❄️

The mentioned challenge I so crave, is not only present when you climb a mountain, but in everyday life as well. It creates a continuous awareness of your place as a human in nature. It imposes a down to earth mentality and appreciation for the simple things in life. I do not have to climb a mountain anymore, the mountain is in me now. I close my eyes. I open them. I see a frozen lake covered in mist with equally frozen spruce in the background. Silence. It is as though time has stopped. Life itself seeps into my veins through the air that I breathe. In these moments I find inner peace. What is important in life is right in front of me and I do not have words to describe. All I have is a feeling that I am right where I need to be and that a warm blanket and dimmed lights are all I need.... Oh, and maybe sauna would be good too.