The Way of The Sword

Where I Fell, Again.

"Just one more project and I will finally make it", I thought. I closed my eyes and I pictured a family house in the woods, a small farm and all the things I love disposable for whenever I get the urge. My family and dearest friends by my side. We are singing and dancing, raising our cups and we laugh until the sun sets. Everyone is in good health. Our relations are straightened out, all get along well.

click ☕️  went the water boiler and I snapped out of my daydream.

Scenes such as described in my daydream, however, are in comparison to a lifetime a mere blink of an eye. Insignificant.

How I realised

"Why does the deer not roll on its back?", I read in the comments. My first thought was "Yeah, what the fuck, why is the deer not rolling!?", but because I wanted to understand I had to put myself in its shoes and I continued "well what if it just doesn't want to roll?", "what if it is a little anxious this morning and hopes that if it closes its eyes the eagle just disappears?". The suggestions I made were probably something a person would say, when faced with something uncomfortable or hard to do. Then it hit me. "This must be it! The deer is retired!"

The Realisation

There is no such thing as retiring in life. There is no happy ever after. Yes you can go for a holiday, you can have a vacation or a nice dinner, however, life is always preying on you and if you avoid to acknowledge and address an issue, then you will pay big time.

Let's say, hypothetically, that you are able to be free of worry. Life actually does not prey on you. How long would it take for you to be bored as fuck? How many seasons of breaking bad can you binge until you go "maybe I should do something." How many dances, songs and holidays until you go "let's get back to work".

"This is it..." I thought again, this time followed by a painful sigh. The sigh of acknowledgment and acceptance that I have to live by the rules life imposes on me, not my own. "This is it, this right now.. one step after the other, on this path in front of me. However, it is not that I chose it. In a way it chose me, by confronting me with problems which I had to find a solution for. I have to make a living. I have to confront my demons. I have to take care of myself, my household, make steps forward in things I care about. And this is how it will always be. Most of my life I will be doing exactly that. Of course, my circumstances might change, maybe I'll have a nicer chair and a bigger shower, but after all, there will always be work that needs to be done, and in that, life will never change.

The majority of positive emotion we experience will be the bliss of following that path, with precision and diligence. Not only because there is no other choice, you do what you have to do to survive, but also because everything else is unnecessary suffering. Just like that deer. It is not whether the deer wants to roll or not. It is either you roll, or your next stop is hell."

Therefore it would be wise, to find pleasure, in rolling. 😌

"Never stray from the way." - Miyamoto musashi

Thanks for reading.