Setting Boundaries and Emotional Manipulation 💔

What is it about bonds that turns people into slaves? What is it that makes people entitled to manipulate people around them? The isolation and loneliness in the hearts of people is easily exploitable. You would rather go and do whatever your friend demands, than to be shoved aside, cursed and abolished by the crippling silence surrounding you. We need each other. To have a heartfelt conversation or just share a sunset with a beer is enough to extend the onset of lifes' suffering.

What is fucked up is that this occurs in families. Parents give birth to their children, so that they can make them feel guilty and ashamed if they do not meet their expectations. "You should help at home." "You should help me at work today." "You should finish your studies." "I demand at least one hug a day."  If you do not meet those demands you are met with an upset parent. They will appear sad and depressed and throw fits. Like, who wants to hurt their parents? Just imagine your parents passing away and you will most likely feel a big hurt somewhere in the chest area. That is the attachment that is so precious to you and them. This bond is something you will never be able to find again until you have your own family. But this bond is also a weakness and if the children are raised in a way where they are not allowed to get angry or fight back, they are stuck with all that guilt without a way out. It is very likely the child will end up doing whatever is asked of it just to remain part of the family, remain liked and not guilty about causing someone dear pain and misery. Blind to the fact they are being manipulated and used.

We are born into this world without any preconception of what life is. What having a bad day at work, a bad childhood or trauma means. All we know is that we crave love and attention. We are completely selfish in that way. A baby will cry its eyes out and scream on top of its lungs to receive attention. If that attention is not given, there is no reasoning as "yeah, my parents have a hard life so its not my fault". It automatically means that something is wrong with you, thus they do not care. This built in mechanism to reflect upon yourself as broken or not enough is the seed of insecurity and anxiety. It is the very root of trying to please everyone around you just so that you receive that soothing acceptance and love you so crave. In combination with being the target of the parents own traumas, expectations and blame we are all taught to believe that we are somehow in debt and we need to repay that they gave a home and food to us. As if they were not the ones giving birth to a child. As if they were not having a blast during the moments you and I were conceived, fully aware of the consequences that might occur. How is that our fault, and how is it okay to then befall us with their expectations of what we should be?

The whole family lives together. Mom, dad, siblings, cousins, grandparents and other relatives. The hard farm work is split so that everyone has a role to fulfill. A good concept to teach discipline and imply that rules exist and they have to be followed. However, that applies until a certain age. What happens when the children are old enough to live their own lives? Is it still okay to hold them back and demand them to do your work? Without being paid? Why would you have to take care of the farm they chose to have as a living? Should I or you as a son or daughter be required to help out our parents with their employment? Is it not hard enough to make a living for yourself? And if they have not managed to be able to stand on their own two feet until that age, how is it fair to expect you to carry the load for both of you? As young adults we need the time and isolation to figure out who we really are and turn that into reality before we are too old and bound by the limitations of age or a family. You are not allowed to change your job or take a bold risk if you have babies at home. So when exactly is it that we are supposed to build a life and figure out all the mental health issues that have been passed onto us? Is it fair to expect the children to take part on working on the farm, because at some point later all the property will be inherited by them?

This implication of guilt, theft of freedom and exploitation of emotional attachment is a crime that has to be intercepted. Furthermore, how exactly are people supposed to figure this out by themselves? No one around tells you that you are being mistreated, the opposite happens. People get further exploited and alienated. Once you find out, how are you supposed to find the strength to overcome the pain induced by severing bonds? To abandon your own family and have the courage to run into the unknown on your own is not a thing everyone can do.

It is not my place to say how this should be fixed. I am a mere dude who struggles with himself more than enough. However, my opinion is that education on both sides is required.