Jiu Jitsu Diaries 01

Attempt at a new series focused on my martial arts journey. Do not bother if fighting is not your jazz.

I sit in my car, parked in the lot, staring into space between me and the building opposite of me. People pass, and snowflakes fall, and time flies.

A bomb could go off. I wouldn't budge. Where am I? Am I at all? And why am I?

I wander in the "I got beat" valleys, where the wisps whisper of incompetence, unsurmountable limits and embarrassment.

"Embarrassment?" I scoff. That's something for people who had dignity to begin with.

The more I train, the worse I get. Either it's but the fool's jest or ... it's not. I lay on the ground and see various faces above me. Many physiques, small and skinny, short and chunky, and the regular. All of them pinning me to the ground, grabbing my limbs, wondering how they can break them, or opting to strangle me. The occasional sweat drop trickles down on me, to remind me, that I am on bottom.

I let them.

It's as if not only my body but also my mind and soul want no more. No more fight left in the dog.

I tip toe around the edge of 'let them do what they want to me' and 'burst in rage' while my face is being dragged across the mat. The frustrated young boy inside of me chooses the latter when I pull the brakes. "Nuh-uh," I reprimand, remembering my monologue on the way to the gym.

Perhaps it was more of a prayer or invocation. Some days I get anxious before training, not sure what the fear is. Fear of failure, if I were to put a finger on it. I try to allow myself to feel and form an intention. Not for what I aim to train, though I should do that as well, but for my mindset.

I am nobody. I do not know how to fight. Only going there to learn and to get beat. To have my walls of pride crumble and get closer to who I truly am. Priorities are: 1. not injure myself or others 2. not exhaust myself to the point I won't be able to train 3. use technique, not muscle.

1. Check
2. Failure
3. Check, sorta

Of course I spar, and of course I spar with the good and the better. It's fun, it's irresistible. Even if I am tired, even if I get beat. I want it. What is it? Don't know.

Do I consider quitting? Hell no. But it does make me reevaluate my approach.

What I can do better?

1. Discipline my urge to fight. If it's not a sparring day, it is not a sparring day. End of discussion.
2. Put what I believe I know instinctively into words and on paper. I create lists, systems and mind maps for virtually everything in my life, but not jiu-jitsu. Perhaps there is a tinge of a creative's grandiosity involved. Experience shows that revealing my true knowledge enhances my output. How do I expect myself to do things instinctively which I can't remember actively? Eh. Besides, I can expand on it once it's down.
3. Come up with a fitness/jiu-jitsu/work schedule that doesn't exhaust me to the point of no recovery. Taping my inflamed ankles, toes and fingers to absorb impacts does not cut it.

Solutions:

I will work on a mind-map with all the techniques I know, and then extract a smaller flow-chart from it, which would be my game plan. That oughta be fun.

Consider what my maximum recoverable volume is in a week, then design a training schedule around it. I should consult a few trainers as well.

Rest. It's the second time in a month where I am close to a burnout. I can tell by the inflammation of my wrists. Can barely grab stuff. One round of sparring and they're seething. If you didn't know, grip strength is a good marker for overall fatigue/strength.

Techniques we worked on today:

Tripod sweep -> Butterfly guard + two underhooks -> load -> stretch out -> shoulder crunch -> Sweep left or right side, use elbow under chin if switching sides.

Notes: Keep underhooks very tight when switching to shoulder crunch or the arm will slip out.

Thought: seems like a lot of work to go for two sweeps just to end up in side control. Granted, you have an arm isolated when you land there, still, dude can probably just turtle.